Winter, Summer, Spring, Falling.

Quietly, I stumble along the railroad where your body lay. I'm usually not the pessimistic type, but this calls for some extreme pessimistic moments. It was at this point when I began to cry. Not full-on sobbing, just a tear here or there. 'They were on their way' I would think, 'help was on the way, yet you did not want help.' I knew it too. If you could have just held on a minute or two, they would have been there...but you were too full of poison. Too full of the poison inside your heart that you would have taken out if the needle hadn't driven so deep. 

We are alone. The smashed bottle lay in your hand. Through careful consideration, I probe, but only with my eyes. I do not touch, but I look. I reach out with the thoughts you cannot hear. You could never hear them, yet I was mindless in thinking you could. Sparse though your clothes were, you were not cold. That I can revel in; you had your firewater...you were not cold.

Yet we are not alone. I imagine I can still hear you breathing and that, abruptly, as though it were only moments from now, you would sit straight up and, although gasping, you would cough and choke and then breath. breath. breath. But no, I do not hear anything but the whirring noises behind me and the pull. I can hear the pull of everyone who wants to get a closer look. 

Did I mention it was night? Did I mention how, when we were talking on the phone last night, you said you would be fine. I said stay safe. You said, never in a million years. Why couldn't this night have been two million years away? 

Did I mention how the sirens behind me relax me. They usually mean danger, or that reparations were in need. Now, I know no one can help you. 

Did I mention I took that shattered bottle from your hands and brushed my fingers across your cut head? Did I mention how I cried for what seemed like a year after this happened? Did I mention the driver said he was sorry? Did I mention I told him, in a mumble, that I didn't care about apologies? Because it's all true. When I say I need you, don't think it's a joke. When I tell you not to have that last beer, don't say you aren't driving. Because it doesn't matter.

Did I mention I love you?